Britain has got itself into a hopeless muddle over Brexit. Two years of dithering and bickering have still not produced a viable exit proposal and the country remains as divided as ever. With the exit date fast approaching perhaps a radical new approach is needed.
The Mouse That Roared Solution
Inspired by the 1959 comedy film The Mouse That Roared, the United Kingdom should apply to the United States to become part of the USA or, more precisely, England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to become the US’s 51st, 52nd, 53rd and 54th States respectively.
Before you pooh-pooh the idea let’s consider the advantages:
- The EU would not be able to bully the US on Britain’s exit terms.
- No need to pay the £40 billion EU exit fee. Mr. Trump would never agree.
- No need to renegotiate trade deals since USA already has global trade deals in place.
- Scotland and Wales would finally be free of English domination and could call themselves autonomous States, albeit as part of USA.
- London would not have to subsidise Scotland any more. That would be the job of the Federal Government.
- Britons could once again be proud to have the world’s strongest armed forces.
- UK’s enormous national debt would be merged with USA’s even larger national debt and seemingly disappear.
- Britons would exchange their Pounds for Dollars and feel richer as a result.
- Some Britons would benefit from America’s generally lower income tax rates.
- Britons could sell their over-priced UK properties and move to the American ‘mainland’ where real estate is much cheaper.
- Britons concerned about immigration should be happy as most immigrants would immediately move to California to become millionaires. Also President Trump would be in charge of UK’s borders.
- Talented British politicians (can’t think of any off the top of my head) would be eligible to run for President. Tony Blair or David Miliband might fancy their chances since they are far more popular on that side of the Atlantic than at home.
- Those Brits who dislike President Trump would have the opportunity to vote him out of office.
- The Queen could remain Head of State for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland with the equivalent rank of State Governor. After she passes away her successors would have to stand for election as State Governor if they were interested. Prince Louis of Cambridge would be the last royal to inherit a title. Future royals, earls and other nobility would be just regular untitled American citizens, only richer.
- The National Health Service would become a State Health Service and, deprived of Federal support, would rapidly become bankrupt. It would be replaced by a self-funded health insurance scheme which is what the current British Government would secretly like to achieve but is not brave enough to suggest.
The issue of the hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic would remain. Maybe Eire would also like to join USA, as the 55th State, which would eliminate the problem. Since most Americans claim some Irish heritage they should feel very much at home.
England could be renamed Old England to avoid confusion with New England. Or better still, Ye Olde England, to maximise the tourism potential of the brand.
Those are some of the advantages of this proposal for Britain but what’s in it for America?
- They gain 65 million new citizens who can’t speak a word of Spanish, thus swinging the language mix in America firmly back in favour of English.
- They would be able to absorb Britain’s highly regarded armed forces into their own.
- They get control of GCHQ and the other UK intelligence assets.
- They get the City of London’s financial centre.
- They will learn about cricket, football and rugby.
- They acquire history, culture, royalty, entertainment, etc., etc.
Ok, Britain will lose its sovereignty but that’s an overrated commodity in today’s world. We would be able to celebrate America’s Independence Day instead.
The more I think about the Mouse That Roared solution, the better it sounds. What do you think?